It's funny how this rhetorical question bears such significance and can completely change every decision you make; yet it seems like somewhere in course of our busy, busy lives, we fail to remember what really matters.
When I started working, I decided I was happy with myself in most facets, but one thing - I wasn't kind.
Most people disagree with me in this aspect, but the thing is, I'm friendly, not kind. There's a difference. However, the variance is not conspicuous if noticeable at all. That's because whether I am kind, or not, when you have a problem and you call me up about it, I will still listen and if prompted, offer you advice. That's because I regard you as a friend, and I believe that's what friends do. It's almost an obligation - even if I think you're an idiot then.
That being said, it's easy to be good to people whom you care about, but what about the opposite end of the spectrum? The ones that when they open their mouths, every inane word is like serrated steel grating on your nerves? The ones whose very presence alone, is enough to raise your blood pressure and sometimes, your voice?
Working life was a real shock to my system. On my personal time, I've never been the kind of person to waffle. If we meet, I either like you, or I don't. Say we get along, I make effort to be a friend, or at least your acquaintance. If we don't, you've either made no impression on me or I just dislike you. That's it.
But when you're in a team of people of varying backgrounds and opinions, it's not so black-and-white. Long hours, stupid clients, ridiculous deadlines - the stuff so many engagements are made of, are often fertile ground for flaring tempers and well, unkindness.
I tried to be nice. It didn't (and often still doesn't) come naturally. Mental kindness, is an oft overlooked concept propagated by the protagonist of Lionel Shriver's The Post Birthday World. Baby steps. Nowadays when faced with an opportunity to glorify myself at the expense of a colleague I'm not so fond of, I try to emulate some of the better ones. Nonetheless, the high road isn't always a pleasant one and often I've found myself in a deeper cesspool than before.
My mother thinks I'm nuts, but I told her one of the reasons I wanted to move to Australia, was to buy myself time to be kind. When all your basic necessities and some, are fulfilled without having to slog through 12-15 hour days for pittance, it's a lot easier to be gentle and patient and not harbour unnecessary annoyance at others.
A slower pace, a simpler life... hopefully in time, kindness will become second nature then.
2 comments:
I've always wondered why I wanted to to leave. I'd just assumed it was "freedom" I was looking for, but freedom to do what? Now I have it! The freedom to be kind. Kindness doesn't grown on any kind of tanah in Malaysia these days...
that sounds so wrong... maybe i didn't get the tone of the article correct. obviously i didn't mean m'sians aren't kind. i meant in corporate life (esp in kl), people are more apt to put themselves first at other people's expense. i love people in penang, taiping and ipoh. they're always quick to help you out if you clutch a map with a lost expression.
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