Anyone know anyone else hiring?

It's almost been here 5 months and I have still not been able to obtain work. I've had to reiterate to many well-meaning friends the same things over and over again and am getting RSI from so much repetition. So here's an FAQ.

1. Are you working yet?
No.

2. How many jobs have you applied for?
About 150 or more. It increases on a daily basis, depending on my level of self-pity that day.

3. Why can't you get a job? You've got the qualifications and experience!
Beats me. They usually reject me on the basis of "no Australian experience". Of course, there's also the minor inconvenience of the economic downturn coinciding with my arrival.

4. Why don't you get a part-time job?
This is a long one. You can't just get part time jobs. You have to have specific qualifications and experience. Especially with Gold Coast. Below is a non exhaustive list of certifications matched to the commonly suggested positions.
a) Waitress - RSA (Responsible Service of Alcohol)
b) Nanny - Blue Card (to indicate you're not a paedophile or something)
c) Administrative positions - though not 100% necessary, they prefer people with Certificate III
d) Retail - Relevant local experience

5. Why don't you just get the certifications then?
Hello. I am poor okay (which is why you should *cough* feel compelled to peruse my ads!). Unlike all the other Asian chicks who are well-funded by rich mat sallehs, mine's very much working class.

6. What about Mc Donald's?
Fast food chains in Australia generally do not hire adults. Reason being, they will be legally compelled to pay us higher (albeit minimum) wages. Whyever would they do that with an abundance of snotty, rude little teens to run the show? It is unfortunate how my youthful looks are unable to reap me any benefits in this one.

7. Move to a different state?
I've already started applying. Unfortunately most employers won't even consider my applications as my current mailing address is in Gold Coast. Even though I did mention relocating won't be an issue though it will be because I will miss X to bits and cry myself to sleep every night.

8. Ask around?
I have been endlessly nagging everyone I know (and hardly know) on this issue. Unfortunately, some of the people I am closest to fail to realise how this is really stressing me out. However, I discovered I have about 50 odd readers who are currently in Australia. Is anyone willing and able to help?

9. Go back to Malaysia?
This will be like, a last, last, last resort. I used to work for one of the highest paying companies there and was deeply unhappy with the working culture. Unfortunately, I had little choice then - if I'd moved on to somewhere smaller, I'd be taking a pay cut of 40% or more.

10. What are your options?
I don't know. At the moment, X is sub-contracting for a massage centre and earns enough to keep us sheltered and fed. I still have enough savings to last a few more months. I'm not eligible for welfare for another 1.5 years. But it's awful living so frugally. I mean, I'm not even that materialistic, but I've spent the last couple of years before this living very happily and comfortably without having to give much thought to money. If you've read my old entries, you've probably noticed my laissez-faire attitude towards personal finances. I've got a few close friends in Singapore who are urging me to give the republic a shot.

I'm giving it some thought.