What that doesn't tell you is how it feels to sit there, watching someone you love get abused with crude expletives, the angers that arises to see him remain rational and polite to a raving lunatic. What it feels like to finally lose it, to say just exactly what you think, without anymore social niceties or decorum or treading on eggshells. What it feels like to call the neighbourhood police line and not be able to get through while being called a fucking Chinese bitch and being told I will fucking kill you and having our door slammed and banged on repeatedly, violently. What it feels like to have to dial 000 and be told this isn't a matter serious enough. Or how I shook uncontrollably through the whole ordeal. From anger, from helplessness, from hating myself for being so pragmatic because what I really wanted to go out there and do a Clint Eastwood a la Grand Torino and hold a shotgun between his eyes. Or how the tears wouldn't stop. Or how it feels to have your first real fight in your mild-mannered domesticity as you scream and cry and swear because your partner who is half the guy's size still wants to play hero and won't give you the keys. What it feels like to have the police saunter in 50 minutes later, nonchalant and blase.
Hopefully later today I'll know what it feels like to evict someone.
2 comments:
Hi Jan! Sorry you had to go through all that. Glad X stopped you from going out too, else the police might have had a case of assault and battery on their hands... you going all Clint Eastwood on the drunk guy... or I was thinking maybe the Tasmanian Devil from the bugs bunny cartoons... Don't let it get to you so much ok? It's just not worth it... the guy just has issues...
thanks adrian! yeah i've actually forgiven him and am praying that his demons will be exorcised. of course it doesn't mean i need to like him... p/s: welcome to my blog!
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