Ever after

I've always viewed marriage as something unnecessary, nothing more than a fancy (and in most cases, expensive) act of decorum. I apologise in advance if you're married and feel somewhat insulted by this piece. It's just that growing up, I saw little happiness in being wed. I watched friends, colleagues, even family cry over cheating spouses, cruel words, financial entanglements. I once comforted someone raped by her husband the night before, holding her shaking shoulders as she wept and wept.

Whenever I was rebuked for my cynical outlook, I would simply point out that I personally knew less than 5 genuinely happy couples. How many did my admonishers know? This was often met with an awkward pause.

The truth is, people get married for a lot of reasons. Financial shrewdness, peer pressure, biological clock tickings, surprise pregnancies, a heady rush of emotions, gratitude, loneliness etc etc. Of course, there's love too, however rare.

When I was younger, I had many romantic fantasies of wedded bliss, which were soon diminished and compounded into a vow to never get hitched.

The last two weeks or so have been painful and confusing and cruel to me. I who had sought comfort in friends and family all this while, had no one to turn to, but X. I won't elaborate, but suffice to say, I lost sleep and had never quite felt so desolate in a while.

X and I have always been honest with each other - we've never said happy ever after. Both of us have experienced enough empty promises to understand that what we have is now; life comes with no guarantees. We've always had a considerate relationship, where each party never asks for too much, never pushes the other one too far. We leave certain stones unturned, you could say.

So when I called and begged him to take a day off on Saturday, because I was beyond the point of misery, I wasn't sure what to expect. You see, his employers do not take too kindly on absences and X is sub-contracted staff, meaning no holiday pay. Without going into too much detail, I asked for and obtained his support, in ways that would have burdened him significantly.

He took 3 days off and has been nothing but sweet and patient with me during my emotional convalescence this weekend.

I think the champagne coloured gown would suit a beach wedding.