SWELL

There's a nice beach side sculpture fest going on at Currumbin Beach at the moment, from September 11 - 20. Last week, I headed over for a sneak preview. I'll be going again today for lunch with The Lady Who Got Me The New Job (caps to indicate reverence). I shall grade them with my professional art experience and witticisms, having won First Prize in Art during Standard 1, even though Ye Lao Shi said I wouldn't because the pencil sketching is showing under the paint! (True story)


MISS: I wouldn't recommend standing there too long. Unless a cute backpacker named Marco is beside you, but damn he's aloof. What happened to the amorous Italian stereotype?

MISS: But only because the fat dude ruined the moment.

HIT: This is Currumbin Rock. It's usually a sedate rock-y colour and surrounded by budding surfers. It was here I first vowed to never mount a surfboard again.

On a closer look, I discover it's not alien fungus after all. These are the bottoms of plastic bottles, painted and cut. Very third grader, but the overall effect is awfully cute.

HIT: Scrap metal bike.

HIT: Giant bronzed feet with vague yet conspicuous religious connotations. These are huge! I tried taking a picture of my own foot with them, but being 5' tall has blessed me with stumpy legs that don't reach far enough. Well anyway, my foot would be about the length of the little toe.

HIT: How can anyone not love the giant band aid? If you squint, you'll notice they even thoughtfully put a giant cotton pad in the middle.

SO/SO: Metal lady with awkward breasts and unlady-like seating habits.

MISS: Made me think of a vacuum cleaner from the 70s, when I was a wee little egg sitting patiently in my mum's left ovary (I've got a 50% chance of getting it right anyway). Unless she's got a third one... Mum? MUM!

HIT: Creepy fetal bronze thing with extremely anti abortionist feel to it, that says your babies WILL HAUNT YOU.

HIT: I like it though it makes me think of crappy reality shows like Dancing With The Has-Beens Stars or Australian Idol.

MISS: I suppose it would look better mounted on a wall. Before I finally got the hick family to move it, the fish were surrounded by about 15 children and 3 adults. I guess the first criterion for exhibits would be durability. Please tick YES or NO for the following: 'Is your sculpture child proof and likely to survive curious fingers?' 'Is it possible you will face legal action if the pointy edges happen to stab some kid trying to hang off it and it's YOUR fault because you didn't put some obvious sign like DO NOT HANG OFF GIANT FISH, FINS MAY STAB YOU IN THE FACE?' Remember hot coffee at Mc Donalds? Or was it tea?

MISS: Also probably more suited for wall mounting, me thinks.

HIT: My boss' favourite (but she's a sucker for all things heart-shaped). It is cute though. You have no idea how long I had to wait out couples posing behind it and getting the DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) to take a picture of them acting cute behind the frame.

HIT: I kind of like it though the wheels spoil the effect a bit. Maybe a wavy sheet of metal instead?

HIT: My personal fave. The whole world on a tree thing is supposed to send out some tree-hugging message, I guess.