A Dilbert inspired entry

What we send out in our email replies:

Dear Sir,

As mentioned in the e-mail forwarded to all relevant parties, we are unable to further issue any CoEs for any intakes prior to October 2009. This includes all English, Food Processing and Business Management courses. If you require me to create/ revise/ defer a CoE, I can only do so for intakes on/ after October 2009, including intakes for 2010.

Our student capacity has reached its maximum for the all intakes before October 2009.

Available intakes
October 2009
January 2010
April 2010
July 2010
October 2010

Kindly specify which one you would like me to enrol the student in.

Thank you for your ongoing support.

Please note that after three CoE deferments/ changes, the Management will charge a processing fee of $30 for every change of CoE requested.


What we really want to say:

To the stinky bastard at the other end of the world in an unwashed sarong with one hand on the mouse and the other down his underwear,

In spite of my repetitive replies with everything s-p-e-l-t out for you, you are still asking me to do the impossible. You are clearly very stupid. Or you don't understand very basic English. Or maybe a combination of both. Woe to me for having to deal with your type.

No doubt you keep sending me reminders even though I've already a)processed your request and sent the documents to you; b)informed you repeatedly that we are unable to further issue any CoEs without breaking the law because you have no life and enjoy sitting at the office, appearing to work late to impress your boss because the little hovel you come from lacks modern facilities and your social life does not include anyone you don't work with. At your cosy little cubicle, you can appear to be career-driven while masturbating to pornography downloaded at office expense.

Did I mention the tea and coffee provided?

Please do us all a favour and throw yourself down a well. Thanks.